Yes, truly. Three months, fourth test drug. Apparently it just isn't okay for me to say "I know what my triggers are, I average a seizure about once every 18 months without medication, I'd like to stop playing test subject to your whims and go about my life and business, thanks, because frankly, I've had MORE SEIZURES ON ANTI SEIZURE DRUGS THAN OFF THEM."
But, no. We must press forward, apparently.
At this point it's turned into a game to see which one of us caves first. Will the doctors throw their hands up in the air in a gesture of futile disgust and say "We give up!", or will Beth (me, the patient) succumb to their devious plotting and live out the rest of her days as a chemically-induced zombie (because this is "better" than living with "uncontrolled" seizures???). Stay tuned . . .
So far I'm 3:0--not that I think about this as a game, it's just gotten to a point of ridiculousness where I either need to laugh about it or give up and cry. I hate this. I hate that I have to go through this. I know my triggers, the medicine makes me worse. I hate playing guinea pig, where whatever these things are, I'm having strong reactions at the lowest dose possible almost immediately.
And still, they keep having me take different meds, to see if they'll "help control my seizures." I feel like a fish trapped in a barrel, and they're shooting at me blindfolded with whatever ammo they can get their hands on.
This week they have me starting Lamictal. I looked it up on an NIH online resource (as I do with all of them before I start taking anything), and this is the FIRST SENTANCE:
Lamotrigine [the generic name] may cause serious rashes that may need to be treated in a hospital or cause permanent disability or death.
Should be an interesting week. . .
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