This morning I had a follow-up appointment with my neurologist--the first one since I dropped kicked the last of the two blood pressure meds he wanted me to take out the window last March (they were supposed to raise my BP, but I felt tired and groggy and pre-seizure nauseous for SIX HOURS)--and I'm reminded why I find it so incredibly frustrating to see any doctor for anything less than bleeding out my eyes or missing limbs.
Sometimes I get the feeling that they don't understand that I am a person and not a textbook case; they can't just diagnose me with "X" and expect that everything will go according to plan. If I were "normal" I wouldn't need a specialist!!
Don't get me wrong--I really appreciate that he wants so badly to help me out with whatever is going on, and he's done a bang-up job of pinpointing an issue I've struggled with for over 20 years that no one else caught on to . . . but there are days when I feel like my doctor, doctors in general, fail to see me as a genetically unique person with all the faulty qualities and unexpected medical side-issues that may entail. I've been up front with him from the beginning about meds--more often than not they do exactly the opposite of what they're intended to do--and still he talks to me as if I don't have a clue about what is normal for my body and what is not and tells me straight out (with "a look") that he's never heard of anyone reacting to the BP meds the way I say I have been.
Yes, thank you, I'm lying to you so I have to endure more potentially painful and scary moments of arrythmia where each time I cannot be sure I'll wake up again (because it becomes harder and harder to recover each time), scaring the crap out of my friends and family, and possibly consigning myself to additional public humiliation of several varieties all because I don't want to take another pill.
W. T. F. ???!!!
I am . . . frustrated.
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