The Force Is Strong (google!)

**SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION**

I AM THE FREAKING BOMB WHEN IT COMES TO INTERNET SEARCHES!!

You can't find it in 1 minute or less using obvious-to-you key-word choices? I can help you!

411 and other information directories have failed you once again? I can help you!

Lost touch with your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate?? I can find him/her!

Looking for that elusive "I'm looking for X and I know someone has to have it" item? I can help you find that, too!

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Yes, the Google-cholorians are strong with my key-words, and I want to use them to help YOU! Not convinced I'm living a rich, fantasy life? Just read these customer testimonials:

"My cranky Uncle Leroy's dying wish was to have one last taste of his dead wife's coconut cake--a recipe Wanda took to the grave with her 10-years ago, mind you--and I needed help. So I called "beth" and she was able to find it that afternoon! Uncle Leroy was so happy he died with a smile on his face . . . some of our relatives could hardly believe it was him in that casket!" -Lucinda Rae in OK

"I was in dire need of a water-resistant, yet breathable/washable fabric for a heavy-duty cushion, only to end up at sites selling things like Kevlar, woven PVC ribbons, or trampoline kits . . . none of which suited my needs. Moments after I called "beth", she not only provided a solution but also sent me a link for various outdoor canvas retailers. Thanks, beth, for saving my bum from eventual chaffing!" -NapsOutside, Pier 49

"Directory assistance had once again taken my money in exchange for inadequate service which, literally, left me high-and-dry without a phone number for the only florist in town who is locally operated, open at 3am, AND has that special "Thanks for not Bustin' Me to the Cops when they Raided the Meth Lab & Illegal Distillery" bouquet. "beth" was able to locate the name and the main number of the florist based on a tattoo description of the owner's left arm. -Toothless John (alias)

"After watching Mel Brook's movie Spaceballs I had a compelling desire to get in touch with my father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate . . . and to eat a raspberry jam sandwich. One quick email request to "beth" later and I had not only a complete dossier on Bob*, but also a tasty recipe for home-made raspberry jam sandwiches!" -John in Springfield (*Name changed to protect Bob's privacy)

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That's right! These fictitious persons-in-need were fictitiously helped using my trademarked and copyrighted brilliant powers of key-word deduction and expertise! I helped them, and I can help you, too!! CALL TODAY, EXPENDIBLE CLONED OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY!