Things Best Left Behind

Things Best Left Behind: subjects of the past and better forgotten there. Suffice to say these issues I have already spoken of to the concerned parties, we've all said our peace (or is that 'piece'?), and are content now to leave the subjects here buried quite firmly in the past. But even things dead and buried leave traces of their passing, whatever histories we leave behind we still carry some memory with us and hopefully retain the lesson learned, strive to do better or right the wrong.

Someone once said "time heals all wounds", but I find that this is never true for me. Things that hurt then still hurt just as much now no matter how much time has passed or understanding made . . . the price I pay for being an empathetic person, I suppose: the same sense that allows me to walk a day in your shoes means it's all too easy to revisit my own steps. The issues have been resolved, they are history that I don't want to revisit because they belong in the past, but a trace of them will always remain.

Having said that, however, I guess it's prudent to provide some kind of insight to them. Yes, they're negative--these things hurt me, they hurt others, that's just how it is, but they're done. The people involved know it, there are no surprises here. I put them here for everyone to see, because they are memories of my past that shape who I am today and give me reason to try to do better so they can't be repeated and hurt again. Here goes:

The Wedding Which Shall Not Be Named: I wore a green dress instead of a blue one; I cried every day for two months because I didn't want to ask for more and be THAT girl. By the end of The Wedding Day, events had fallen into place such that I was completely convinced had I not lived locally to the event I wouldn't have even received an invitation, which is not true, but a stunning example of how I'd fed my own unhappiness and selfishness. The dress is bound for the consignment shop--I can't keep it; it's a bitter reminder of my own stupid folly, and why it's important to be myself and speak up, especially for the important stuff.

Family Holidays: You know you're in for a good time when you call ahead you're running late but will be there in an hour, and when you arrive all the presents were opened without you after your phone call. ALL of them, not just the kids'. This is just one example . . . Family holidays provide an opportunity for too many people with too much shared past to share close quarters for an extended amount of time--eventually some subject ends up in a fight or a cold-shoulder or people crying. Most of the time I'd rather just avoid it all, but somehow I still find myself joining in, hoping for a better experience.

My Brother's Marriage: In a casual conversation some two years beforehand the following is said, "You won't be allowed to attend." Upon discussion of option for small family dinner instead of large church reception the same person said: "If you don't want to do the reception, then my friends here at the church will anyway." Harsh lesson on where 'family' ranks against the church who promotes family values; someday I may mount an attack to reform the rules that allow it. I do not have, nor desire, any photos of my brother's wedding.

My Father's Marriage: My dad has always promoted strong family values and connectedness; it's a clan philosophy, which is why I was taken aback when he got remarried (number 3). The number of marriages isn't an issue, it was the way this one was presented. News of said occasion was received thusly via phone from a third party: "Dad and Marsha got married!" My reply: "Who's Marsha?" I heard from my dad over two weeks later. Draw your own conclusions as to why this makes the subject matter poopy list. As I am quickly learning with this blog, how information is presented is just as important as what information is given and goes a long way toward correct (or incorrect) interpretation. Ditto (from above) on wedding photos.