[cue lights, camera 2 in close, cue theme song! We're on in 4 . . . 3 . . .2 . . . ]
Greta: Welcome back! This is Name that Show, and I'm your host Greta von Bierstein. With us today is faaamous blogger Beth.
Greta: Thaaank you for coming today, Beth.
Beth: No, thank yooou, Greta!
[both ladies smile falsely]
Greta: Let's cut to the chase, Beth. In your blog, you've written a number of posts describing the various misadventures you've had with neurologists, medications, even going so far as describing--in detail--seizure episodes you've had while oooon anti-seizure pills. Do you write these posts for personal reasons or are these part of a public awaaaareness outreach?
Beth: Well, there is a sort of catharsis in writing blog posts about these issues. One might notice that most of those posts are listed as "rants.," largely because of either a side effect of the medication or from the near-constant frustration of dealing with doctors who refuse to believe I'm not a text book case study. But there is also a kind of public outreach involved, if that's what it could be called. I hope that there are others who either might be able to learn from my experiences or simply take comfort that there is someone else going through the same ups and downs.
Greta: Fantaaastic. That's soooo inspiring.
Beth: Yes, I try.
Greta: So tell us, Beth. Has this "cartharsis" been the reason behind your recent "glooow?" The public has noticed a draaastic change in you the last few weeks and we aaaalll want to know what your secret is. The color in your cheeks, the happiness, the over all sense of joie d'vivre that just eminates from you like rays of sunshine and looollipops--what is the cause?!
Beth: Oh, my, yes! My [finger quotes] secret [finger quotes] is really very simple. I put out a contract for my neurologist.
Greta: As in you hired someone to kiiiill him?
Beth: Yep. I'm happy to say he sleeps with the fishes. I've been walking on air ever since--I highly recommend it as the best stress relief EVAH.
Greta: [laughs] You're so witty and imaaaginative! Okay, I'll play along. To think something so simple, so . . . so mundaaane could cause such a change! [insert sly look askance] Are you suuuure this is the ooonly reason you're so happy? I have to wonder if a pair of cement shoes can also be the source of your reported sleep-filled nights, your increased activity, your laaack of dizzy and/or seizure spells? Clearly your sense of humor has returned, aaaand on top of that you've reportedly been really, reeeally productive lately! Are you also taking some sort of supplement?
Beth: I should have known I couldn't pull a fast one on yooou, Greta. No, I'm not taking anything . . . in fact, I'm not taking my anti-seizure drugs at all!
Greta: Reeeally?! But I had heard reports that your neurologist was blaaackmailing you into taking various drugs? What did he say when you told him you refuuused to be his guinea pig?
Beth: Oh, Greta. [shakes head] He didn't say anything. Well, more to the point, I couldn't make out what he was saying between the gag and the splash! Ha ha. Ha ha ha! Mwahahahahahaha!!
[the crowd goes wild]
No comments:
Post a Comment