EFF!

I'm going to have to tell my neurologist about my last seizure. (sigh)

This is not a good thing, because come hook or crook it means that I may be out of a job come January.

It works like this:

Part A) If I tell my doctor that I had another seizure (and that I think it's affecting my heart b/c I've been in/out of a-freaking-rhythmia ever since) he's going to notify the state and have my driver's license suspended for a minimum of 6 months. This is state law--drivers must be seizure-free for 6 months before they can have a valid license.

My job is 40 miles away, and there isn't anything like it in the town I live in, NOR am I willing to move within walking distance to a place that is twice as expensive to live in.

Part B) I work with, essentially, a handful of big brothers I never had. They will stop sending me out to do field work by myself, thus I become a cost- and labor-liability, and I'll be stuck playing desk jockey for the remainder of my career, even when my license is reactivated. I'll get bored, frustrated, and generally more cranky than usual and would rather quit to go shill coffee part-time at the nearest cafe.

My annual salary will take a nose-dive and I'll struggle to make ends meet for the apartment, the car, insurance, and utilities. If I can't afford insurance, then I'm up a creek with doctor's bills and medication costs.

** **

I thought I might have two months (the time to my next follow-up appointment) to think it over--to tell the neurologist about my last seizure or not--but I think the issue may be out of my hands now. I think whatever has changed this year with the post-seizure shock stuff may be adversely affecting my heart and I'm going to need to have it checked out. I've been dealing with chest pains, irregular heartbeat, and light-headedness almost everyday since I had that last seizure--two weeks now.

I always knew I'd be checking out early (50s maybe), but this is ridiculous.

Eugene Banks told me that there is no easy transition from full-time career to full-time artist, that I might have to go "cold-turkey" and give up one in order to do the other as I've been working toward. I just thought I'd have a choice about it.